waa! hectic ng sked! T.T songfest practice, tapos isabay mo pa ung variety meetings, tapos sabay mo pa ung practice for "evening with the muses", tapos ipatong mo pa ung training ng track.. leche
ngaun lang ulit ako nakapaggitara ng matino, bininyagan ko yesterday ug bago kong stringsthe result? my fingers are aching... i was trying to play especially for you by request of pat... at buti nalang success siya, worth ung mga kalyo ko sa daliri ngaun... now i'm memorizing it nalang, polishing whatever... tapos runaway naman ang inaaral ko, nawawala pa ung capo ko... kailangan pa naman sa kanta! T.T

hay nako, busy busy...

tapos 2 weeks from now exams na! waw! grbe! ala nang pahinga!

alix | 11:15:00 PM

despair

alix | 7:12:00 PM

"Stars"
-switchfoot-

Maybe I've been the problem, maybe I'm the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself, the outcome feels the same
I've been thinkin maybe I've been partly cloudy, maybe I'm the chance of rain
Maybe I'm overcast, and maybe all my lucks washed down the drain


I've been thinking 'bout everyone, everyone you look so lonely


But when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars I see someone else

When I look at the stars,
the stars, I feel like myself


Stars lookin at our planet watching entropy and pain
And maybe start to wonder how the chaos in our lives could pass as sane
I've been thinking bout the meaning of resistance, of a hope beyond my own
And suddenly the infinite and penitent begin to look like home


I've been thinking bout everyone, everyone you look so empty


But when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars I see someone else

When I look at the stars,
the stars, I feel like myself


everyone, everyone you feel so lonely
everyone, yeah everyone you feel so empty


When I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars I feel like myself

When I look at the stars, the stars
I see someone...

alix | 6:39:00 PM

woah, track training's going to start tomorrow... i should be asleep by now. darn that arps, i'm not yet done with the note cards thinggy. i don't even know what to do! i forgot what lord aris told us about those precis things... rar! i haven't had a decent sleep since friday... i slept like 4 something then wake up at 11. had training, watched HP! uhhh... i slept about 4 am again. had to wake up by 7 because for the promo... after that i tried to finish my note cards but i fell asleep on them.. woke up quarter to 8 had to go to masss and now i'm still stuck with these 3 chapters and an article about depression. waaa!! i have to finish this by tomorrow and i don't even know how to start it! T.T oh my gawd...

alix | 11:58:00 PM

i know i've been so stupid, i can't do anything about what i've already done. i can't help to sometimes look back and guilt trip myself but that's all i can do, i can't turn back time i know that. but grounding myself to my past is going to make me more stupid than what i am now. i won't make my mistakes bigger than what it is already, i've got to stop hurting myself more. i'm going to set my life straight. i'm not going to risk this "thing" again... i won't loose this someone again...

alix | 10:36:00 PM

gigil!

alix | 5:04:00 PM

pasado pala ako sa track!!! yey!!!

wncaa!!!

alix | 7:12:00 PM

our report card was handed to us tuesday... i got low! 3 subj! i was down one step for cl trigo and physics... rar! but i got high marks on both fil and english. imagine! alex got a B on fil! lolx

anyway, i really need to study for physics, i don't want my grades to go down again! speaking of, we have a longtest tom... rar! grabe, tinatamad talaga ako! bakit ganun! kahit anung gawin ko sobrang hindi nagsstick sa utak ko!

baka kasi talagang ayaw ko magaral... nyahahaha

oh well, have to try...

alix | 6:13:00 PM

uhg... had a long saturday... only had like 2 hours of sleep... yesterday i came home mga 2.30 na ng umaga, meaning kanina nalang ako dumating... haha slept til 5.30, i had to wake up that early just to give mishka a wake up call. 7.30 we were supposed to be at school na, we were going to have a tryout in track in field.... really exhausting... we went to mcdo after to finish our lyrics for music due on monday... after that i went to ortigas for my taek and then played badminton... uhh, we ate then headed home... lolx

alix | 5:47:00 PM

hmm...

sobrang tinatamad akong mag gawa ng reflection paper, pero kailangan isend ngaun un...

tinatamad din akong magbasa ng libro pero kailangan para sa arps namin...

tinatamad akong... ah basta tinatamad ako...

nyahaha

alix | 7:22:00 PM

yey!! i have a tagboard na! hahaha patawa

alix | 7:18:00 PM

ahhiyaaaayyy

we have classes na tomorrow, oh cruel world! our sem break was TOO short! T.T it wasn't even worthy of the name sem break! lolx

awww, i wasn't able to go out and have fun! darn, why didn't we have the 2 week off like everyone else? darn school, who do they have to be sooooo stern... and a kill joy for that too. haaayy, at least i have the one week fair to look forward to don't i? at least, yeah...

hopefully those i invited WOULD come... haha poor me, always getting ditched... lolx and hopefully next time i'll be the one doing the ditching.. mwahaha joke... i won't do that... ehehehe

alix | 10:26:00 PM

you have got to be kidding me... please

alix | 11:08:00 PM

i'm soooooo fuckin' pissed off....

yada yada yada yada yada

lalalalalalalalalalalalala

fuck

alix | 11:05:00 PM

do they know?

are they mad?

what shall i do?

i knew i shouldn't have done it!

x/

alix | 8:47:00 PM

Bakit pa kailangan magbihis
Sayang din naman ang porma
Lagi na namang may sisingit
Sa twing' tayo'y magkasama
Bakit pa kailangan ng rosas
Kung marami namang
Mag-aalay sa'yo
Pupuno na lang ng paawit
Maghihintay ng pagkakataon
Hahayaan na lang silang

Chorus:
Magkandarapa na manligaw sa'yo
Idadaan na lang kita
Sa awitin kong ito
Sabay ang tugtog ng.... gitara
Idadaan na lang.... sa gitara

Mapapagod lang sa kakatingin
Kung marami namang nakaharang
Aawit na lang at magpaparinig
Ang lahat ng aking nadarama
Pagbibigyan na lang silang


Pagbibigyan na lang silang

~will anyone ever sing me songs? haha i guess not

alix | 12:02:00 AM

hmm... my first attempt on writing something... ehm..
happy and inspiring.. failed...

wala akong maisip! T.T haha

perhaps, i'm not really a happy kind of writing person...

alix | 11:49:00 PM

this is soo great... ok, i needed one person who would give me attention... i asked for one! not 3!! x/ 2 of those are really really pissing me off.. ok not really.. i appreciate the flattery but please stop! T.T as in, STOP! ok, i told you i'm already committed.. (sort of) argh! don't you get it? i don't want any of you naaaa... i already have one and that's pretty much enough for me. one person telling me those 3 words is enough. one person flattering me is enough! one pain in the head is enough na.. hahaha

i chose already, please don't make it more complicated than it already is...

and if you still persist i have no choice but do what i'm good at...

get it?

mwahahaha

alix | 11:41:00 PM

ok... one down, one more to go.. mwahahaha

alix | 11:33:00 PM

this is...

going to be hard.. T.T

alix | 12:35:00 AM

i shall try my best! xD

alix | 12:34:00 AM

when i said i've moved on did i really?
then why is every poem still for him? even though i say i do not write for him anymore, even if i say that i don'te write OF him anymore.. it sucked to know that people would ask me, it's for him right? your poem is still for him? why can't i seem to write anything that doesn't concern him?? everytime i attepmt to write anything not him words get jumbled up... my computer screen lies empty until i decide to write of him.. then words suddenly flow like river-endless... the screen that once was an empty color of white suddenly becomes a mass of letters stringed into words tied to be a huge mass of unkept, unbalanced emotions... trying its hard to cope up with the rambling thoughts in my head... hoping to catch every word, every sentence and stamp it on the huge screen... for it not to be erased in my memory, only to be erased by my fingers realizing that i have once again unconciously wrote of him... it's really frustrating how words easily flow out, fingers continuously typing, writing and not holding back while all that's inside my head is him...

i want out of this mess, i want out of this curse... i want to write about the NEW him, for the NEW him, of the NEW him...

can i write of him? hte new him? i'm scared... scared to even attempt to write... afraid that the words i thought i wove for the NEW him would be just really for him...

but you know what... i know i won't care anymore... i'll try to write for the new one... try my best even if i sore my hands out and dried my brains of... also dry as much ink in my pen and crumple as much scratch paper there is in my room... what i will TRY to write now is something NEW... not anymore what i used to write... no more smudged paper because of tears, no more striked out words because of frustrations. no more sad angsty type of poems that dwells on what might have been.. but then again, the path i'm taking now isn't like those creams with cherry on top... no, this isn't a stroll in the park...

i admit, being drenched in my own blood for a while longer than was needed got me all bitter and angsty... no other choice there, i do not write happy... barely see myself holding a pen and write when i am happy... it would be really hard for me... to compose something out of fancy, it'll be choppy, just like this one...

damn, it's making no sense...

i told you so...

alix | 11:14:00 PM

hello!

i'm miss gullible

alix | 1:43:00 PM

i'm freaking scared!

alix | 1:37:00 PM